Stumble it!The Naked People Made Me Do BAD Things!
posted in Sexuality by themaiden |
Sorry, but I’m not buying it. Reactions like this– originally encountered at NoPornNorthhampton– do not come from watching naked people have sex. I’m sure the account is true in that it is an accurate reflection of the author’s experience, of her emotional reations and her subjective state. Damage like this does not come from watching nudie flicks. This kind of pathology is well on its way when you get to the porn.
I was claiming power, the all-elusive power that women strive for their entire lives, from degrading and enjoying the degradation of other women. I had absorbed a lesson from the patriarchy: women are easy to degrade, weaker, and more vulnerable, so much so that even another woman can take their power.
…The idea of humiliating a man was so foreign to me that my mind discounted the possibility of it immediately, before it even blinked on the radar. I had spent my life with men controlling me it was clear, at least to me, that I would never get power from them. Instead, I turned to women even more vulnerable than me. Women who were even EASIER targets to take power from than I was.
I don’t mean to discount the author’s pain. Certainly she went through a bad spell, but she has her causes desperately confused– like the alcoholic blaming the alcohol. Its not the alcohol. Its you. Some of us drink now and then and don’t become self-destructive maniacs. In fact, a lot of us drink and do not spiral into liquid hell. It isn’t the alcohol. It is you. It is your brain, your biochemistry, your emotional history, your genes, your personality. It isn’t the alcohol. Blaming the alcohol is a convenient distraction, a way to avoid admitting that, “Hey, I’m fucked up.”
“No. No. No. The alcohol is fucked up, not me. Oh no, not me!”
Sorry. I’m not buying it. Alcohol is inanimate. What you do with it is your problem.
Let’s talk about some other dangerous inanimate objects. How about food? I eat ice-cream once in awhile. I can stop. I don’t get fat. Other people are different and things like ice-cream cause serious physical and emotional damage. But guess what? It isn’t the ice-cream. If ice-cream makes you fat, stay away from it. If it makes you feel bad about yourself, stay away from it. Don’t, however, pretend that ice-cream is inherently bad or that it does the same things to everyone else that it does to you.
Children’s books and movies? Notoriously popular among pedophiles. Causes of pedophilia? No. Inherently bad because of the associations with child molestation? No. Bad because pedophiles use such books and films to ramp up their predilections? Nope.
Likewise with pornography…
A lot can be said about pornography. I’ve said some of it. I’ve reflected on the subject and I’ve come to a much different conclusion than Biting Beaver.
I look into my mind and I find no grave decay, no disintegration of grey matter. My palms are not hairy, my eyesight is good. I’ve not yet begun to huddle in dark alleys covered in semen. I’ve yet to strangle cats with soiled pantyhose (purchased online from asian teenagers).
What really got me going about Biting Beaver’s post– aside from the fireball self-righteousness– is the way she abstracts from her own assumptions, temperment, emotions and behavior to everyone else. You do not represent us all, Biting Beaver. Some us aren’t whacked maniacs. Some of us don’t hate women– “I began to wonder why I despised those women”. Some of us don’t get off on violence and submission. Some of us don’t get our self esteem from other people’s misery. Some of us don’t idolize the patriarchy despite ourselves– “The thought, the very idea of taking control from a man could not, ever, manifest in my mind. The idea of humiliating a man was so foreign to me that my mind discounted the possibility of it immediately, before it even blinked on the radar. I had spent my life with men controlling me it was clear, at least to me, that I would never get power from them. Instead, I turned to women even more vulnerable than me. Women who were even EASIER targets to take power from than I was.” And some of us abstain from activities we don’t like– “So I did them. I did them and I tried to pretend that I liked them. I tried to act like the porn star because I was invested. Soon however, I began to see JUST how horrible it felt…”. Keep that last bit in mind.
Really, I don’t think I’m speculating too much. I’m just retelling the story Biting Beaver tell, but without the “porn is bad, blame porn for my own faults” gloss. She walked into porn repulsed by it, her “stomach would churn and grind and my face would remain frozen in a mask of disgust and, I daresay, apprehension and fear” and “would always feel dirty and stained after I watched it”. She let herself get pressed into doing things she didn’t like, and that made her feel bad. No kidding?
Now, rather than state the obvious that “I let myself be pressured into doing stuff I didn’t want to do”, she absolves herself and blame the naked people. “Oh my god! The porn made me feel bad. The porn damaged me. Its the porn’s fault.” No it isn’t. You walked into it with problems, you did things you didn’t like, now you are making up excuses.
She justifies her position by appeals to “everyone I know”, but… what about all those people who disagree? Probably all just blinded by their own self hate, right? Too busy worshipping the penis to see the light, yes?
When I was watching porn I was more insecure than I have ever been in my life. I was chaotic, I drank too much, I self-medicated with alcohol and sedatives to numb myself to my own sense of worthlessness. I allowed degrading things to be done to me because I was numb, I was dead inside I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Well, Beaver, I do none of those things. And if a very high percentage of “naked people having sex” looker-at-ers did those things, society would collapse. It hasn’t.
Sorry. I’m not buying it.
And while I’m here. Do you really think that everyone who makes porn does it out of self loathing? Given the volume of porn on the web, that adds up to a lot of self haters. Do you think that no one likes doing the things you despise? Ever thought that what you see as ‘humiliation’ might actually be fun for some people? It doesn’t all revolve around your gut reactions.
Here is the run-down. I don’t rape, beat, abuse, violate, humiliate, torment, torture, pressure, force, manipulate or predate. I can be an ass, but that is irrespective of gender. And I’ve likely done a whole string of things you’d find humiliating– of course, I get the feeling that that list would be a little too easy to generate and would more or less include something for everyone. But I don’t do things I don’t like and I don’t look at things I don’t like and I don’t, as much as possible, injure people I do like. And guess what? I don’t end up feeling bad afterward. Wierd that.
The ferret originated, as far as I know, at Suzy Bright’s page, which conveniently has much bearing on the content of this post. And besides, what goes better together than sex and a sign holding ferret in a prison suit? Hat-tip to Pharyngula for bringing to my attention.
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