Revelations of Heaven and Hell… Hallelujah!

20th August 2007

Revelations of Heaven and Hell… Hallelujah!

posted in Politics by themaiden |

It seems that 7 Columbian youths were taken by Jesus up to Heaven and shown the glories of God.

The first three of the six testimonies, the seventh having been lost due to technical difficulties, are the longest and best constructed. The last three strike me as having been thrown in to hit a couple of talking points that needed emphasis.

Apparently the youths were snatched up by Jesus, and shown heaven. Despite the headline, Revelations of Heaven and Hell to 7 Youths, only two mention Hell, and that in passing. Once at Heaven the angels (Testimony 1)… oh, wait, Jesus (Testimony 2) opened the Gates and let the kids go inside. There is a tree, a field of flowers, fish that caress your body and that don’t freak out when you take them out of the water.

I learned some things.

1 ) “God is absolutely rich and He owns all the riches in the world.” (Testimony 1)

2 ) And he’ll give you some bling if you love him. (Testimony 1)

Actually, I already knew this. It was a major selling point for God when I was a kid. It always strikes me as odd that the other world is so… worldly.

3 ) God and the angels speak and write some otherworldly language but they do apparently keep Earth time, recording dates and hours in giant ‘Santa-Claus-esque making his list and checking it twice’ books. (Testimony 1)

Couldn’t God just remember? Never figured out that ‘written in books’ bit.

4) You can’t kill flowers in Heaven… unless you do it in love. (Testimony 3)

Inside my heart, I said to my Lord that I wanted to have a flower like one of these. The Lord gave an expression of agreement, I got close to a flower and started to pull it. But nothing happened, I could not pull the flower out of the ground. I couldn’t even pull the petals or leaves off of the flower. Then the Lord broke the silence and said, “Here everything must be done in love.” He touched the flower and it surrendered itself to the hand of the Lord. He then gave it to us. We continued walking and the smell from the flowers was still with us.

That little passage irritates me. It strikes me as a gentle reminder that “killing in the name of God’s love isn’t really killing”.

5 ) Jesus loves kids. (Several testimonies)

No surprise. Its in the Bible– “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so”. Of course, kids come second to Jesus himself (Mathew 10:37) and abandoning wife and kids means a big reward form Jesus (Matthew 19:29).

Really, if I ran around asking for such things I’d be labeled ‘cult leader’– you know, “Give your stuff to me, abandon your family and friends, yada yada…”– in no time flat.

6 ) Abortion is bad, but God will forgive you. (Testimonies 2 and 3)

Two of our youths, apparently, are guilty of baby killing. Nothing says ‘peace of mind’ like having God show you your dead kids and tell you its OK.

Of course, killing your well-past-being-a-fetus kids is OK if they curse you (Mark 7:9-10). I’m not sure how many kids would make it through puberty if we followed that one.

7 ) Mary is a beautiful woman (Aren’t all princesses?), she loves kids and she doesn’t sit on a thrown. (Testimony 4)

Hmmm… nice jab at Catholicism.

8 ) People cry when in the presence of God, and God keeps the tears. (Testimony 5)

9 ) God tracks people’s ‘communion’ with him by way of flowers kept in lockers. (Testimony 5)

#9 is just weird. Flowers in lockers?

Do read God’s great revelation to these youths, then visit SpiritLessons.com for the story of the “visions of the Rapture, Tribulation, the Holy City, & the Thrones of GOD and satan” which were experienced by an 8 year old Puerto Rican girl with staggeringly mature vocabulary and sentence structure.

I will relate to you an experience that I had with the Lord on September 5th, 1999. We were in the church and the power of God was there filling our lives. I fell to the floor and felt the Lord’s presence in me. I felt that the Lord was dealing with me, and He began to show me visions.

Visions of the Rapture, Tribulation, the Holy City, & the Thrones of GOD and satan.
The testimony of an 8 year old girl who encountered Jesus Christ.

But who am I to argue? The “testimony has been verified and confirmed by an independent & trusted prophet.”

Also, don’t miss the “incredible Testimony of Bill Wiese and his 23 minute trip to Hell” and find out about Choo Thomas’s “stunning, personal story of how she saw the living Christ, visited Hell, and walked in Heaven“. Hey, Mary Baxter went to both Heaven and Hell too!

Why! The whole page is just person after person who saw heaven, hell or both. Praise be!

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1 On August 20th, 2007, JR said:

It would be endlessly fascinating to me to empathise, for a finite amount of time, what goes on in the mind of someone who looks at this and speaks of it with the same amount of certainty I speak of when looking out my windows and noting the sky appears blue. How does a mind look at faith and use presumably the same models of reasoning as I to conclude matters of faith that are by definition unprovable to be fact? Sure, I look at various history books and take as a matter of faith most of what they say to be fact, but they at least follow the fundamental laws of physics and biology. Another aspect of this discussion is how resolutely those of faith look at previous writings and declare that human beings of times gone by did not lie, exaggerate, embellish and propagandize. Fiction did not begin with the 20th century, but is must be the natural conclusion of a mind that takes the Bible literally.

*

As an aside, does anyone else have the left banner of HH show up in the middle of the site, blocking the left side of the posts?

2 On August 20th, 2007, themaiden said:

JR,

I didn’t know there was a problem with the left banner. I’ll try to fix that. What browser/OS are you using?

3 On August 20th, 2007, JR said:

ie6+ and xp home (I know, I know… linux and mozilla

4 On August 20th, 2007, themaiden said:

Hmmm… I run … ahem… OS 10.28 (doesn’t run much cool stuff, must upgrade), XP Pro, Slackware 10 and 11 on two different machines, and command line OpenBSD on a very old laptop. I use Firefox almost exclusively but I do boot Safari and IE-whatever-crappy-edition-is-out once and awhile. Among the set I thought I had the testing covered. (The right bar doesn’t load at all in IE on Windows. I should really try to fix that.) I forgot about Mozilla proper but I just started it on Slack and everything looks fine. Damn browser weirdness.

5 On August 21st, 2007, StealthBadger said:

Hmph. Gerin Oil addiction strikes again.

By the way, I haven’t forgotten about the meme, I really haven’t, I swear… o.o;

Heh. And definitely upgrade to Tiger, it’s as stable as it’s ever going to get (which is verra stable). If you can get your paws on an Intel Mac, Parallels is definitely worth it for the ease of browser testing it gives you.

6 On August 21st, 2007, themaiden said:

I’ll eventually get around to an upgrade but 1) I always find something else to spend the money on and 2) I’ve been annoyed with Apple ever since they started selling the damned OS every time they change the damned decimal.

7 On August 24th, 2007, Lakejen said:

I read Bill Wieses account from his 23 minutes in dreamland, sorry…. Hell. Ignoring the vivid descriptions of hell, since you can’t really say much about them, here are a few interesting quotes:

“The first question that would be in mine, if I was listening to me, would be, “How do you know it wasn’t just a dream that you had? A Bad dream?” A couple points to make, first of all, I had left my body. I saw my body when I returned, lying on the floor. So I know for sure it was an out of body experience. Some Christians have said, “Oh a Christian can’t leave his body.” But that’s not true, In 2 Corinthians 12:2, when Paul was caught up into the third heaven, He said, “whether in the body, or out of the body I do not know.” So if he didn’t know that must mean it’s possible. And also he said in verse 1 that it was a vision, so I believe this comes under the classification of a vision.”

Apart from the fact that he really only makes one point it’s pretty weak argumentation. He saw his own body lying on the floor!!! Of course none of us have ever had a dream where we were outside of our bodies. Out of body experience is a much more likely explanation than dreaming – especially at 3am in the morning….

You also have to admire religious people’s ability to always turn to their holy books whenever they have to prove something. Whether or not out of body experiences happen in the bible it really does nothing to either prove or disprove real life out of body experiences. It is very much akin to me quoting Lord of the Rings (probably the closest thing I have to a holy book) in order to prove that I really was invisible last night when I managed to sneak in without waking up my other half. At least I think I did, but then I had had a fair few drinks.

It would be rather refreshing if just one religious person would do some scientific investigation of their claims (and I am not talking about the Answers in Genesis kind of science). Hey, if they did it properly they might even convince me.

” He let me touch a piece of His heart, of how much He loves mankind.”

Now of course that beggars the question: If god loves Humanity soooo much why does he send people to such a horrible place? A question that ‘somegreybloke’ puts much more eloquently (well, at least much more entertaining): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2bpc7LSRZc

What you should admit to be saved:
“I am a sinner. I sinned in many points, willfully, and unconsciously. I’ve fallen short. I’ve missed the mark. I’m stained with sin.“

Stained with sin? Man, I’m glad I am not a Christian. AND you don’t even have to be conscious about it. Even if you try to act like nice human being you can’t avoid sinning. Just remember the guy in the bible who catches the Ark and stops it from falling on the floor (can’t remember exactly where but I’m sure someone can enlighten me on that). And the thanks for this seemingly rather sensible and good thing to do: Instant annihilation by the big G (and presumably an eternity in hell for the horrible sin of touching the Ark). God is love, Rofl.

8 On August 24th, 2007, themaiden said:

LakeJen,

As you quote, “A couple points to make, first of all, I had left my body. I saw my body when I returned, lying on the floor. So I know for sure it was an out of body experience.”

Saw your body? Has to be true? Hmmm… One word answer: PCP. The drug produces something called psychotic disassociation.

It would be rather refreshing if just one religious person would do some scientific investigation of their claims (and I am not talking about the Answers in Genesis kind of science). Hey, if they did it properly they might even convince me.

Yes, but see you mustn’t test God. Therefore, even though God could be proven, testing him is a sin, and so we can’t do it and even if we did try God might no cooperate just to be a jerk about not liking to be tested and so the results wouldn’t be accurate anyway…

Just remember the guy in the bible who catches the Ark and stops it from falling on the floor (can’t remember exactly where but I’m sure someone can enlighten me on that).

Uzzah, 2 Samuel 6:3-7,… merciful God at his best.

9 On November 11th, 2007, Carnival of the Godless 79 — Pie Now on Earth [Aardvarchaeology] · New York Articles said:

[...] Hell’s Handmaiden comments on seven Columbian youths’ alleged visit to Heaven . [...]

10 On November 14th, 2007, evan said:

It’s “Colombian”…

11 On November 14th, 2007, themaiden said:

Evan,

That is a quote.

12 On November 14th, 2007, Aaron said:

If you click on the top right side of the 7 heaven testamonies there are 7 more exclusively for hell. I learned that John Lennon is burning in Hell and Jesus won’t look at him, but he will torment him by showing up and refusing to let him out of Hell. I think they kind of make the argument that abortion is OK because all the babies get a one way ticket to heaven where they are raised by Jesus. What could be better than that. No chance to mess up and get stuck in Hell. Happy birthday to you.

13 On November 14th, 2007, themaiden said:

Aaron,

Yeah, that is one weird site. I browsed around a little and learned some interesting things. Then I had to leave as my brain started bleeding.

14 On December 19th, 2007, Jonathan said:

God does not send people to Hell. God is truth. He can not lie. If God gives an “IF” statement like you see in Psalm 91 then if you don’t SAY of the Lord “He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely, and in Him I [confidently] trust!” and or you speak the fear that comes from what you see and hear then you’re not dwelling in the secret place, thats the word not me.When does he deliver you? After you say and believe,confidently he is your Refuge and my Fortress.

Psalm 91 (Amplified Bible)
1HE WHO dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand].

2I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely, and in Him I [confidently] trust!

3For [then] He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.

4[Then] He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings shall you trust and find refuge; His truth and His faithfulness are a shield and a buckler.

5You shall not be afraid of the terror of the night, nor of the arrow (the evil plots and slanders of the wicked) that flies by day,

6Nor of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor of the destruction and sudden death that surprise and lay waste at noonday.

This is part of the reason why bad things happen to good people. God will not lie. The wages of sin is death. He said he wish that NONE SHOULD PARISH BUT THAT ALL WOULD HAVE ETERNAL LIFE. You’ve heard people say ” I cant believe that”…well that is a lie because believing IS a choice. Eternity is too long to be wrong so you had better be right.

15 On December 30th, 2007, themaiden said:

Jonathan,

1) The Mafia is found of offering the same kind of ‘choice’. It isn’t really a choice. “Pay up or I’ll break your hands” is a threat. So is “worship me or you’ll go to hell.” Now, if people would just pay up nobody would get hurt. That means that the Mafia Guy isn’t responsible for people’s injuries, right? I mean, they had a choice. And you know what? I’m sure that mafia guy really does wish people would just pay up. That doesn’t make him warm and fuzzy.

2) Quoting the Bible in no influences those who do not already believe the Bible. That is like me quoting the Enuma Elish and expecting you to be swayed by it. You wouldn’t be, because the Enuma Elish is myth. So is the Bible.

3) I really love this one– “Eternity is too long to be wrong so you had better be right.” You are in the same boat and don’t realize it. You’d better be right too. See, if you chose the wrong God you are just as screwed as you think I am.

16 On December 30th, 2007, Anonymous said:

I really pray with all my heart that you who have so much to say against the bible and God and Jesus Christ find it in your hearts to believe. One day, you will feel His presence and see the truth for yourselves. Till then, no one can possibly make or FORCE you to see or understand. Jesus has never been more real than what you beleive in now. He truly is the comforter and the one that can give you serenity and peace. Please, im not asking you to take a long time to think it over but just a mere minute to close your eyes and say, ‘Jesus, touch me and let me see to understand’. and if that does not do any good to you then it is entirely up to you to choose or go ahead condemning.

God is not just there for the easy taking. That is what Satan is here for. Easy, easy, and more EASY! God does not need you and your justifications. All He asks of you is faith and trust. And if you choose to not belive then let that be your choice, but don’t call out to Him for mercy when you are burning and in undying pain. Simply because YOU have made YOUR choice.

17 On February 15th, 2008, Anil said:

Please accept Jesus. I know him personally… He’s the only one who can save. Dont wait till later.. It might be too late. Jesus really loves you. Turn to him. And may God bless you!

18 On February 15th, 2008, themaiden said:

Anil,

You don’ know Jesus personally any more than I know ‘Doctor Who’ or Cap’n Ahab.

19 On February 21st, 2008, Walmor said:

Lakejen,

As much as i appreciate your spouting off about your non christian beliefs and why God would send good people to Hell, I would as you put it about religious people having to pull things out of the bibles, I would really have to respectfully say you are extremely ignorant when comes to the word of God and what Jesus had to endure for the remission or forgiveness of our sins because we are all born into sin and we will all continue to sin in one fashion or another until the day we die. I wish you could sit down one day and begin reading the book of Matthew (Levi)or even Romans 1:18 or 1 Corinthians and really open your heart and mind. This is not some mystical book reinterpreted over and over by mankind. These books are the God inspired words. Jesus said, “Knowone comes to the father except through me.” You very simply have to over your heart and ask Jesus to come into your life. Ask for forgiveness and know that God loves each one us good or bad. There is a hell set aside for those who challenge God and live life irresponsibility without any though of their actions or the consequence that follow. Satan (The beautiful Angel named Lucifer) had free will as do we, and Lucifer decided he wanted God’s position, which wasn’t going to happen, so he was banished from heaven. Yes, there has always been and always will be accountability. Be-careful about how you address God and his people, He is much more powerful than you. You can either receive him or Deni him and only you will have to endure the consequences. Educate yourself before spouting off on a subject matter in which you are severely handicapped in. I am sorry for you and yes, I pray for you. Receive him!

20 On February 22nd, 2008, Walmor said:

The way some of you people feel you have to dissect the validity of whether or not an individual experienced an after death revelation in Heaven or Hell. What does it matter? Anything is possible with God. God is all Knowing, all powerful, he has the ability to show whoever he wants Heaven as illustrated in the book of John. The one thing I try to keep in mind is what Jesus warned us about; “Many false prophets will come in my name.” The only way we will know the true Jesus will appear before is when he returns an we as believes are called up into the clouds, when we are changed in the twinkling of the eye. “The death shall rise first, then the living believers.”
You see, it really does not matter what you think, whether you believe in the Bible or God or whatever your unfortunate reason for why you feel the way you do, the bottom line is you are with out a doubt going to Heaven or Hell whether you like or not. They exist~! In choosing, why on earth would you choose separation and misery, and the constant hostile assaults against you by Demons when you can choose eternal life in paradise praising and glorifying our Heavenly Father, the one whom gave you life to begin with. I promise, if you will try just once to open your heart some place in private, drop to your knees and ask Jesus to come in to your life to help guide in your quest for the truth, tears will come to your eyes as you experience the Holy Spirit speaking to you. Change your heart, read God’s inspired words, The Bible! God loves you, whether you think you deserve it or not. Don’t judge Christians or think about how two faced they seem, simply follow Jesus. That’s what a Christian is, “A follower of Christ Jesus.” We can’t be just like Jesus because we are not perfect, only God is perfect. All we can do is educate ourselves in the word of God, ask for forgiveness, and strive to repent or not keep making the same mistakes. Sin is fun, know-one can dispute that, but that does not make it alright. All people do is make excuses to cover up their poor chooses. Example: Homosexual behavior, try glancing at 1 Corinthians 6:9. But of course, it won’t matter a bit if a person doesn’t believe the Bible in the first place. Look, I just want to save your spirit from going to a place that can be totally avoidable. Maybe you have experienced bad churches or bad sermons, I personally dislike small older churches where you have just organ player and a bunch of elderly women in choir robes singing what is not joyful music but, you what? My wife and I found a very large church with an incredible praise team that play unbelievable music and the sermons, the missions our church puts out is fantastic, so keep looking for that place that you are comfortable in, where you can grow and mature in your spiritual journey. Help others, and go see the “Passion of Christ,” to remind yourself of what Jesus endured so that you may have a righteous path to salvation. I think we all need to be reminded of his tortured death and not just at Easter. Don’t turn your back on God! He has never turned his back on you… And, stop blaming God for ever bad thing that happens in your life. Maybe God is waiting for you to grow up and seek him….. Death is certain for every one of us. The lights don’e simply go out. You walk through a doorway so to speak into the next relam of your existance whether you believe it or, it will happen…. Choose the correct path.. Your eternal spirit is at stake here, don’t mess around!

21 On February 23rd, 2008, themaiden said:

Walmor,

Imagine that! People thinking about things. How bloody bizarre! It is almost like we refuse to buy every little bit of nonsense that gets thrown our way.

You are right though, with magic all things are possible. Sadly, magic sortof doesn’t seem to actually exist.